Are you being abused?
41%-60% Asian women report experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime. But how do you know if you’re being abused?
The basics: An abuser wants power, not peace.
One of the best ways to know if your partner is an abuser is to ask yourself: Does he want power or does he want peace? Does he encourage you to feel loved and secure, or does he want power and control over you? The core issue with an abuser is that they see the world in terms of power and control.
Some domestic violence behaviors include:
• Intimidating you with smashing things, making threats or angry gestures, abusing your children or pets, destroying your belongings.
• Controlling your money, whether or not you can have a job, who you can see, and who makes the decisions in the relationship.
• Relocating you (especially to a place where you don’t speak the language) to isolate you.
• Yelling, pointing, punching the furniture or wall near you.
• Denying the abuse ever happened or blaming you for “aggravating” him.
• Attacking you for small things (the way you cook, what you’re wearing, the way you eat etc.), constantly criticizing you so you feel you can do nothing right.
• Constantly checking up on you, threatening to commit suicide if you leave, threatening to divorce you or to find another wife if you don’t obey.
• Pressuring you to have sex, pressuring you to engage in sexual acts you are uncomfortable with, calling you “frigid” or “uptight”, having sexual affairs with others or threatening to do this.
• Behaving nicely while in public but cruelly with you in private.
• Leaving you open to abuse from his relatives.
• Forcing you to marry.
Find out about more about abuse.
The victim: How do you feel?
Another important way to know if you’re being abused is to take notice of how you feel. Do you feel afraid of your partner? Do you feel confused? Do you notice that you have lost confidence since you’ve been with your partner? Do you feel like you’re crazy or the one who is to blame? Do you feel numb or helpless? You may be caught in an abusive dynamic.